Putting things in perspective - How to be happier?

Well, in response to the Corona Virus and the guidance from King County and the request from Kurt DelBene to work from home until March 25, we will practice being flexible and make some adjustments. Put-something-into-perspective. (idiomatic) To compare with something similar to give a more transparent, more accurate idea. You can put your worries into perspective when you realize how many people in the world are so much worse off than you.

So, how do we get this time into a productive way of thinking, how do we keep people engaged and less anxious? How long the coronavirus is going to take or if it was no coronavirus is there is something we all need to improve on?

"William James said: 'The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.' He didn't speak, mind you, of the 'wish' or the 'desire' or the 'longing' to be appreciated. He said the 'craving' to be enjoyed. Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and 'even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.'" ‐ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

Putting things in perspective - How to be happier?

Think of a person who has recently praised your work. What was your opinion of that person after receiving praise? Think back to a teacher or boss who regularly praised your work. How does that teacher or that boss compare to other teachers and bosses? "In our interpersonal relations, we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy." ‐ Dale Carnegie, "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my appreciation and lavish in my praise" ‐ Charles Schwab Like Schwab, live in a spirit of acknowledgment and be eager to praise others for their effort. When you notice a co‐worker putting in extra effort on a project, walk over to them and praise their commitment to the team. If your child or partner helps around the house in a small way, praise them for their effort.

Be lavish and praise every improvement in life: 

  1. Stand back and observe and describe—don't judge. We usually upset ourselves about our interpretations of events rather than what happened. So write down what happened without your judgments. For example, "A car passed me," "I am stuck in traffic for ten minutes," "The waiter brought me the wrong entrée," or "My husband is looking at his i-phone." Then, think about how extreme your response may be to these simple events. Suspend judgment and just become an observer. By observing you detach. This reduces stress.
  2. What can you still do even if this is true? It's not the end of the world. For example, if you are stuck in traffic or the waiter gets the order wrong, are there still some rewarding things that you can do nonetheless? Like everything, you have done before? I like to list all the things that I can again do today, tomorrow and this week---which, of course, are a lot of things—almost everything. You will quickly learn that your life is unchanged even if this upsetting event has occurred. It's more of a preference than a necessity.

I did a Dale Carnegie class in advanced communication, and Nikki Kloeppel helped me to learn 5 of the top principles from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie so you can lower your stress, improve your work-life balance and be happier. You'll gain tools and processes to help you break old worry habits and create new daily habits to be more grateful, positive, and healthy. Get over the imposter syndrome and silence your inner critic so you can feel more confident and put worry in perspective. This means to compare with something similar to help one get a better and more unobstructed view of something. For example: "We often think that we have difficult problems in life, but compared to people who are homeless, starving or dying, our problems aren't that bad."

Cultivate positive mental attitude - feel your brain with mantra's, for example, I can do hard things and choose to be positive. Visual reminders with vision boards, daily practices with a gratitude journal, tell your friends what you are looking for in life. Less stressed way to go is to not worry about criticism. Better work-life balance, or coronavirus? If you are like a lot of people, you find yourself getting upset about things that---from hindsight—look less than awful. Sometimes, as you look back, it may seem rather trivial. Consider the following everyday events that you might make yourself upset over: getting stuck in traffic, someone not doing what you want them to do, getting a lower than expected evaluation on something, losing money on an investment, or getting the flu. Right now, let's focus on some of these mundane issues—rather than some more significant problems like divorce serious or disability or a significant setback. It is often the DAILY HASSLES that drive us insane.

  • How will you feel about this in a week, month, or year? Our over-reaction often hijacks us in the present moment. And then we forget about it the next day. This is what happens in marital conflict—people risk dissolving a long-term relationship based on something that seems absurd two days later. If you see your intense feelings disappear with time, then give it time. Be patient. This, too, will pass.
  • Think about the event as an inconvenience. It would be nice if everything went your way –but the world is not constructed that way. Rather than label it as awful, a disaster, or something you can't tolerate, think about it as a minor inconvenience. It would be nice if people didn't focus on their text-messages when talking to you, but it is an inconvenience and preference---not a necessity.

For example, A young person may be emotionally devastated by a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. The best way for that person to get over the hurt is to see the relationship from the viewpoint of his or her whole life, rather than just for the present. While no one should deny that a breakup always causes hurt feelings, anyone who has lived through a breakup can tell you that it is not the end of your life, and the best thing to do is continue living and dreaming of your future. That would be "putting things in perspective."

 

Five Steps to Putting Things in Perspective: Ask yourself what the costs are to you and other people around you when you react with such intensity. For example, are you infuriated by small frustrations? Anxious about the uncertainty of simple, mundane events? Does inconvenience derail you? You may be making yourself anxious and angry and making other people feel worse by the intensity of your responses. Fortunately, this can change. You can reduce your stress by seeing things in perspective. The last thing is to be applying other principles from Dale Carnegie. Having a few friends when you are getting older is more dangerous than being obese.

Be Genuinely Interested in Others "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." – Dale Carnegie When you meet someone your mission is to discover what subject fascinates them and then find a way to be equally fascinated. For example, if someone is interested in collecting stamps (a subject that you might think is boring), research stamp collecting. In your research, you could discover a fascinating fact about patches, like the most valuable stamp in the world is worth $9.5 million. When possible, ask people for advice on a topic that interests them. For example, "If I were to start a stamp collection, how do you recommend I get started?" When you allow someone to share their interest and expertise on a subject they enjoy, they will associate their joy with your presence.

The tools you need to build healthy friendships, strengthen your network, and make people eager to help you succeed can be found in an 80‐year‐old book called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' The principles in 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' are as applicable today as they were when the book was published in 1936 and will continue to be relevant for centuries. The principles in this book can be distilled down to two fundamental behaviors. Look at principles from the book that is 80 years old today, see how policies apply to the underlying actions. Be sincerely interested in other people, praise other people's work :) "Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen for hours." – Benjamin Disraeli

"The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned." ‐ Dale Carnegie To build your praise and appreciation muscle, make praise and appreciation a daily habit. Take two minutes at the start of every day to write an email to praise a friend or co‐worker for any progress they've recently made on a personal goal or professional project. Make it own and specific; tell them what impresses you most.

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